


gotta get easier somehow (but not today)

by spiritsontheroof



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt, I cried while I was writing, Jack Dalton Loves Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016), M/M, Sad, a lot of crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:54:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23781925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiritsontheroof/pseuds/spiritsontheroof
Summary: And now he was saying goodbye for God knows how long, didn’t know if he’d ever see Mac again, and the thought of never coming home makes his stomach turn. He pushes the thought because he can’t stand it, promises himself he does not care what it takes, he’s coming back for his boy.
Relationships: Jack Dalton/Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! hope you enjoy!  
> come find me on tumblr, I take requests! https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/spiritsontheroof

It would be just Jack’s luck that he has to leave as soon as he and Mac finally figure it out. Two blissful months of sneaking around, late nights in Mac’s bed, stolen kisses when no one was looking. And then they found out Kovacs was still alive, and Jack had to go, and it shattered the little glass container they’d been living in. They hadn’t even told their friends yet, hadn’t gotten to do anything Jack had planned for them. And now he was saying goodbye for God knows how long, didn’t know if he’d ever see Mac again, and the thought of never coming home makes his stomach turn. He pushes the thought because he can’t stand it, promises himself he does not care what it takes, he’s coming back for his boy. 

They work their last mission and it goes too fast, flies by in the same way all their missions do but this one _hurts,_ because Mac is sitting in his favorite seat on the plane, looking out the window with an expression Jack can’t describe. When Mac finally looks down the jet aisle at Jack, Jack can see the tear tracks on his face, and something inside Jack snaps, hurts so bad he has to suck in a big gulp of air to catch his breath. He looks away, barely keeps from crying himself, and doesn’t look at Mac again the whole trip home. 

They land in LA and this is it. Their last night together. They ride in Jack’s car to Mac’s house in silence, hands linked between them on the bench seat of the car. Jack feels like he’s vanishing, like soon he’ll just disappear, and he’ll be like a ghost. He pushes it away, leads Mac into the house wordlessly. He closes the door gently and then pushes Mac up against it, brushes blonde hair from baby blue eyes and kisses him, hard, until neither of them can breathe. They shower together and Jack washes Mac’s hair, trying to ingrain the way it feels into his memory. Then he takes Mac to bed and they stay there all night. They make love and Mac cries after, pressing his face into Jack’s chest and sobbing loudly, and Jack can’t do anything but hold him, tell him it’ll be okay, that he will be home as soon as he can, I love you, darlin’, I swear it. 

Mac cries himself to sleep and Jack doesn’t let him go all night, lies away looking at his face, memorizing the curve of his nose and the almost invisible freckles on his cheeks. Jack cries, too, once Mac is asleep, because he has all he has ever wanted in this bed with him and he has to leave it behind, because Jack cannot ever keep a good thing. 

The next morning, Jack goes home to get his uniform in his bag, kisses Mac goodbye and says he’ll see him at the Phoenix. Mac doesn’t even look him in the eye. 

Riley is angry and Jack understands, because he is, too. It isn’t fair, there’s a million people who could do this job, but it has to be Jack because this is on him. And Jack can’t help but think he should have made sure he got the bastard the first goddamn time, maybe then he wouldn’t be holding his baby girl, his sweet, strong, beautiful baby girl, barely holding in his tears as he tells her he loves her. 

It’s hard to tell Matty and Bozer goodbye but it’s manageable. Hugs and joking words and easy things to say are exchanged, but he can feel Mac staring at him and he knows the worst is yet to come. 

He turns to Mac, lets out a deep breath, asks if everyone will give them a minute. Everyone files out and Riley taps the glass before she leaves to frost it, give them some privacy, and then it’s just him and Mac again. 

He drops his bag to the floor and steps closer to Mac, looking over his beautiful features one more time for good measure, and he hates this so much. He hates the look in Mac’s eyes, the swollen, bloodshot look of them, the tears staining his skin. Jack brings his hands up to cradle Mac’s face, sighs, and kisses him gently. 

“I love you, Jack,” Mac says weakly, voice breaking on Jack’s name. 

“I love you, Mac. Don’t you ever forget it.” 

Jack kisses him one last time and then he has to let go, has to turn around and leave because he can’t stand to keep watching Mac’s heart break. So, he does, picks up his bag and walks out of the war room, already counting the days till he comes home. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 2 is ready to go! hope you guys enjoy!

Mac collapses in a chair in the war room and buries his face in his hands. He hears the door open, but he can’t bring himself to car, not when Jack’s gone, not when he’s all alone again. Footsteps come up in front of him and the shoes he’s staring down at belong to Riley. She’s talking to him, but he isn’t listening, he can’t hear her, and she kneels in front of him. 

“Hey,” Riley says, words distorted as she pulls Mac’s hands away from his face, “hey. Let’s go home.” She orders softly, words clearer now. Mac can see she’s crying, too, her eyes are red, and her eyeliner is smudged. He doesn’t have it in him to talk, let alone argue, so he just nods, and she pulls him out of the chair, takes his hand in hers and leads him out of the room. Mac lets her pull him along, all the way to his truck, and he tosses her his keys and lets her drive them home. 

That night, they share a bottle of whiskey between them, they watch all the Bruce Willis movies in Mac’s collection, and they don’t say a word for a long time. Just sit, enjoy each other’s company, and try not to fall apart. 

Late into the night, close to three, Mac finally finds his voice. He clears his throat and Riley looks over at him from the opposite end of the couch. 

“We’d finally gotten it together, you know. Figured us out.” Mac says weakly, voice threatening to break. It hurts to even say, and it shouldn’t. Telling Riley should be a happy thing, she should be saying she knew it, that it was about time, that it had taken them long enough, that she was happy for them. Instead, she’s looking at Mac with pity in her eyes, feeling bad for him, treating him like an abandoned puppy. 

“I know, it’s so sad, right? It reads like a bad romance movie.” Mac laughs through his tears and Riley scoots close to him and lays her head on his shoulder, laughing along with him through sobs. The laughter stops and Riley sits up to look at him. 

“The thing about romance movies is they all end in happily ever after.” Riley says with a small smile and Mac nods, and that simple statement gives him hope. 

Mac repeats her words like a mantra in his head every day after that. Desi joins the team and she’s great, watches Mac’s back, trusts him after she adjusts to his unorthodox methods, but it’s not the same as having Jack around. But they make it, the two of them, along with Riley and Matty and Bozer. 

Then it all falls apart. They disband, split up in complete opposite directions, and Mac is alone for real this time. He has no one, nothing, just this dead-end teaching job and his mess of a house. The days are long, but the nights are even worse. He drinks more than he should, stops cleaning the house for visitors he won’t be having anymore, stops calling Riley and texting Bozer, he just wallows in his own self-pity. He misses Jack more than he has in a long time, wonders if he’ll ever see him again, hates Jack sometimes for leaving him all alone. He tries to push through because he knows Jack would have wanted him to, would have told him he couldn’t lay down just because the Phoenix had gone up in smoke, you’re better than that, Mac, come on. So, he goes to work, he grades papers, rinse, repeat. Every single day for a miserable eighteen months. Then, he meets Russell Taylor. 

Russ is an ass. He’s smug and entitled and rich and bossy and Mac hates that about him, but he’s funny and he cares about them and he’s tough and he brings Mac back to his friends, and Mac loves that about him. 

So, Mac starts getting better. He feels more like himself and he cleans his depression out of the house so his friends can start coming by again. They become a team, become a family again, and Mac is almost whole, doesn’t feel so lost anymore, doesn’t feel like the world is falling out from underneath him. The hole Jack left still aches but it’s manageable, it feels more like a bruise and less like a gunshot wound. Riley is around a lot and that helps, gives him someone to lean on when he can’t keep going, and she leans on him when she needs a friend, and together they get through it. 

Mac goes on like this for six more months after the Phoenix rises again, and then Matty tells them. Jack got Kovacs. 

It’s over. 

He’s coming home. 

Matty says those words and Mac feels like the weight of the world lifts from his shoulders, feels like he can breathe for the first time in two years, is so happy tears well up in his eyes as Riley wraps her arms around him in a tight hug because _she_ _knows._ She knows Mac is finally getting the love of his life back, knows Mac’s heart will finally be whole once he and Jack are back together, knows everything will finally feel right. 

Matty tells them it will be a week or longer before Jack is stateside and they still have work to do. Terrorism stops for no one, and they go on three missions over the next ten days and Mac is dead on his feet by the end of it all. The only thing keeping him from falling over dead before he gets to the airport is knowing he’ll finally have Jack safe and home. 

Mac gets to the airport an hour before Jack is set to land and he’s really glad he brought paperclips, or he’d be pacing all over the place. It is the most excruciatingly long hour of his life but then he hears over the intercom that Jack’s plane is touching down and then he is up, pacing around, searching for Jack’s face in the grounded airport. 

After a few minutes, he sees him across the airport floor, standing just outside the gate. “Jack!” he calls, already running toward him, pushing through the crowd. When Jack hears him, he turns and his face breaks into a huge grin. He drops his bag and Mac runs into his waiting arms, latching to Jack like a magnet to metal. 

“Hello, beautiful.” Jack says into his ear, arms wrapping so tight around Mac it is a wonder he doesn’t break a rib. 

Mac has tears rolling down his face as he presses his face into Jack’s neck and breathes deep. “Hi. I missed you.” Mac says into his neck, pulls away to look at Jack’s face, cradling it in his hands, grinning so hard his cheeks hurt. Jack looks a little older, more grey hair and lines by his eyes, but Mac doesn’t think he’s ever been more beautiful, doesn’t think he’s seen anything better than this since the last time he saw Jack. He leans in and kisses him, hard, and Mac feels the hole in his heart mending as Jack’s lips slide against his, stubble scratching on his face as they kiss. 

Jack pulls away from the kiss first, breathing hard as he looks Mac over. “I missed that. I missed you, darlin’.” Jack says, holding Mac tightly against him. 

“It’s so good to have you home. Come on, let’s get outta here.” Mac picks Jack’s bag up and nods toward the door. 

Jack smiles, laces his fingers with Mac’s free hand, and lets Mac lead him outside. Jack didn’t think there would ever come a day he missed LA, didn’t think anything could ever make his chest ache for city smog and LA traffic, but absence does make the heart grow fonder, he supposes, because as they drive down the freeway, Jack is so happy to see the city, the endless traffic, his boy in the driver’s seat. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Mac asks, smiling with a red tint on his cheeks. 

“Because you’re beautiful. Because I missed you. Because I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” Jack answers honestly, reaching over and Mac reaches out, lays his hand on Jack’s leg, squeezes. 

“I know the feeling,” Mac says under his breath as they turn into the driveway, “but you don’t have to worry about that anymore. I’m here and so are you.” _And_ _I’m_ _whole_ , Mac says inwardly, pressing a kiss to Jack’s mouth before they get out of the truck. 

When they get inside, they’re bombarded by their friends, and it’s all tears and laughter and hugs, and it’s really just beautiful. Mac and Jack don’t get a second alone together for the rest of the night, but Mac doesn’t mind, because he has everyone, he loves under one roof. Riley and Boze, Desi and Matty, Jack. Hell, even Russ. His family is together again, his heart is mended, lighter than it’s been in two years. Riley comes up to him outside on the deck after dinner, in the middle of Jack and Bozer butchering a perfectly good Salt-N-Pepa song, smile on her face. 

“What?” Mac asks with a grin of his own, head cocked to the side. 

“Nothing. You just look happy, that’s all. It’s a good look for you.” Riley nudges him and he wraps an arm around her shoulders when she moves from in front of him to beside him. 

“I am happy, Riles. I really am.” Mac says with a sigh as Jack catches his gaze and winks at him. 

And he means it. For the first time, in what feels like forever, Mac is truly, irrevocably happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys knew I was gonna give our boys a happy ending! hope you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> I know this was super sad but I promise chapter 2 will remedy that! thanks for reading!


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